Olivia was born March 19th at 4:18 pm. When the doctor pulled her out she let out a little cry. Dr. Durbec said she was a beautiful baby. Andy was in the operating room and held my hand the whole time. I am so glad he was there because it was very frightening to me that I was awake and being cut wide open. I could feel the pulling and tugging and it really freaked me out.
Finally I went to recovery and it took a long time for me to get feeling back in my legs and feet (a little over 4 hours). I was then taken to see Olivia in the NICU and then to my recovery room on the 5th floor. Olivia was so tiny and beautiful. When I was in the hospital I would go down and see her as much as I could. I couldn't do much but I would stand there and stare at her; my little miracle. I still have a hard time believing that Andy and I created this little creature. She is such a little fighter and just the sweetest little thing.
I was released from the hospital on the 23rd (yesterday). I had a hard time knowing that I was being released and wouldn't be just upstairs from Olivia. I would go downstairs at 3 am and at 5 am I loved being in the NICU because it is lightly lit and quiet, peaceful. The last day I was able to do skin on skin with Olivia and it was just so amazing and calming. I cannot even put into words how it made me feel or still makes me feel when I think back.
The first day home has been kind of hard. I find thoughts that make me sad or mad creeping in my mind and do my best to push them out. Part of me feels empty and alone without Olivia. I miss the little kicks and pokes I would get from Olivia and not having her home with me just makes me feel like a little piece of me is missing. I try not to think about that and just think about how good she is doing and her beautiful face. We still have so much to do before she gets here. Olivia's room isn't even close to being done and we don't even have a car seat to bring her home in. I feel bad because I know I am a little irritable lately but I just have so many different feelings and emotions and frustration. I always feel so peaceful and happy when I am at the NICU though. I was proud of Andy today because I had to go pump and so he changed Olivia's diaper and took her temperature. The videos posted show my beautiful little girl and how well she is doing.